Tuesday, March 1, 2011


I hate you.

You go to the Municipal Council meetings and you talk about how Joaquin was such a nice place until all the students moved in. You say that neighborhoods shouldn't have to be parking lots. You quote irrelevant figures to the Council, but the bitterness in your voice makes your purpose painfully obvious.

We have already shut you down twice. And you keep coming back.


You want us to walk to school? We already do. You want us to take public transportation? We will if you will. Did you know that Joaquin is serviced by the 820, 822, 830, 831, and 833? No, of course you didn't, because YOU DON'T USE THE BUS. What makes you think we will? I promise, we're busier than you. What time do you get home at night? Is it 10:00 p.m.? 11:00 p.m.? If not, I had longer days as a sophomore in college than you do now, as a hopefully gainfully employed member of society.

You want the cars off your streets? Fine. Tell me where you want to put them. In someone else's front yard? There isn't anywhere else. Sure, we might be able to walk to school, but what about to the grocery store? Have you ever gotten on the bus with both arms full of grocery bags? I have. And while I admit that I am much better built than you, it's still not fun. What about to cultural events and service opportunities that don't happen to be within a mile radius of where we live? What about work in another town? Do you walk to these places? Why are you special?

You think we don't pay taxes here? We do. UTA runs off my sales tax just like yours. There wouldn't be enough sales tax in Provo to run buses at all if BYU weren't here. Without BYU, Provo would be Spanish Fork, except that there would be more to do in Spanish Fork. Do you know how many restaurants basically hibernate during Christmas Break here? Why do you think that is? Get back to me on that one when you figure it out, several years from now.

Joaquin was a nice place before, huh? Well, what has Provo done, what have you done, to keep it nice? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I can't run on the sidewalk here because none of the trees are pruned and the sidewalks are completely uneven. When it rains, sidewalks and street corners become lakes and ponds. How much upkeep is done on the homes in this neighborhood? None. Only when something absolutely breaks does it even minimally get addressed. I know. I've lived here for four years.

What keeps all these old dumpy houses and apartments from becoming crackhouses? Mormon BYU students who don't sell meth out of their basements. They don't drink. Most of them don't even cuss. And you have no idea how lucky you are to live in a college town where drunken parties don't happen across the street from you every weekend. Show some gratitude, instead of hating us for parking our cars.

BYU, and its students, and their cars, are here to stay. We're sorry our existence bothers you, but we're not going to go kill ourselves so that we can stop annoying you. Grow up. One of the things you should have learned when you were about my age is that we don't get to have everything exactly the way we want it. You don't like living in a neighborhood with thousands of students in it? Don't live five blocks from a university. Duh.

I am moving to Orem next week. If I ever move back to Provo, it will be after you and Cindy Richards are dead.



  1. Oh how I just love everything about this.

  2. Aw, Mr. Ninja, that was a pretty bit of writing. I really don't see where council members get these notions that parking permits would be worth the money it would cost to enforce them. And a big amen to using money to work on the more obvious problems not yet addressed.

  3. Well said, Mr. Ninja... you have my full support.

  4. I second KB. I hope you gave Kurt an earful at the meeting. People should come up with solutions, not just sit and complain, especially when we can complain right back (about the sidewalks and trees, etc).

  5. Do you ever feel like these residents are just trying to force BYU's hand into building monster parking structures to handle the increased number of vehicles -- and not (intentionally at least) trying to alienate, annoy, antagonize, aggravate, and anger the poor students?

  6. Well, neither BYU nor Provo is willing to construct a large, gratuitously expensive parking structure, so I'm sure there's an element of that in it. And neither entity seems terribly willing to pool resources or ideas. Neither BYU nor Provo has it in for the students directly; it's just not a high enough priority right now.

    However, there are some permanent residents of Provo, and Kurt Peterson is one of them, who just hate students. I have tried talking to Mr. Peterson after council meetings, and he has been very unpleasant to me. He won't listen to what I say; he just repeats the same drivel he says to the Municipal Council. He would love to see all the students out of the Joaquin neighborhood. So what if that involves the relocation of thousands of students on the whim of one annoyed man?

  7. Fascinating what you find on Google years after the fact. If you don't know what I did for the neighborhood--you don't know enough to comment about the validity of my concerns back in those days. Painting 43 homes with volunteer labor and donated paint isn't enough? How about getting the city to spend 1.3 million on a new park? Or the new playground at Memorial Park. Shame on you for being ignorant as to the whole story.....

    Kurt Peterson