Thursday, October 25, 2012

ANNUAL LETTER TO BYU FRESHMEN FROM WARM PLACES

Dear BYU freshmen from warm places:

Yes, it snowed today.  Allow me to gently suggest that not everyone is as excited/distraught/generally overreactive as you toward the fact that it snowed today.

No, you can't do anything about it.  If you whine and complain about it all winter, it still won't go away until it durn well pleases.  I know this comes as a shock.

Actually, you can do a few things about it:

-   Wear warm clothing.  I mean, more than a hoodie.  Wear gloves.  Don't wear shorts.
-   Wear waterproof shoes.
-   Wear shoes with actual traction on them.
-   When you're driving, brake sooner than you are used to doing.
-   If you're driving down 9th East in Provo and you see three cars that have lost control and run up onto the sidewalk, be more careful.
-   When you're driving behind someone from Utah (or somewhere else that gets cold), and they take a while to brake, don't tailgate them.  And don't honk at them.  And don't try to swerve around them.  Doing any of these things will make you Dear Stupid Provo Driver.
-   Try not to sign up for evening classes fall semester.  Evening classes fall semester just get darker and colder.  Evening classes winter semester, on the other hand, get warmer and brighter.
-   If you've been out in the cold for a while, some hot chocolate really hits the spot.  Consume in moderation.

Yes, the snow and such will be around until about next April.  No, there's not really anything you can do about that either, except maybe go home for Christmas.  Just realize that Christmas is at the beginning, not the end, of winter.

You may want to avoid complaining about winter too much in the presence of people from places like Minnesota, or Alaska.  Because they will make fun of you, and you won't know why.

*Ahem* if you don't like walking in the snow, remember, BYU has excellent bus service that nobody takes.  Buses are warm . . . you don't have to walk in the cold . . . just saying.

Oh, and keep your chin up.  Plenty of other people from warmer places have managed to survive, thrive, and even come back for more Utah winters.  You can do it!

Regards,
BUSNINJA

4 comments:

  1. I still say that flip flops are perfectly acceptable no matter the time of year, especially if there's not even snow on the sidewalks... ;)

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    1. I hereby grant you permission to wear flip flops whenever you like. Flipflopninja! My question is: do you wear flip flops all winter in Michigan?

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  2. Having observed a roommate, a 65 lb parka designed to withstand arctic winters is no substitute (read: won't keep you warmer) for full length pants. I.E. the guy in shorts and a parka is cold, while the guy in pants and a light jacket is not. And, nobody cares if you are "from Cali," this is more of a reason to wear Warm clothing, not less!

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    1. Preach it, Greg! There's a new crop of freshmen every year that needs to hear it.

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