Saturday, February 9, 2013

DEAR VERIZON

Dear Verizon:

Your phone sucks.  It requires me to unlock it before I can read a text message (no, it will not let me use the send button).  If I hit two buttons before unlocking it, it gives me a message about how to unlock it that takes at least five seconds to go away; because it has buttons on the side, I am confronted with this message every time I get the phone out of my pocket.  It even gives me this message sometimes when I am trying to turn my alarm off in the morning (despite the fact that the cancel button is supposed to work for this).  It is constantly telling me how to unlock it instead of unlocking itself.

And yet, it unlocks itself all the time in my pocket.

Today, on my 0.3-mile walk from the bus stop to my apartment, I kept hearing the message "Your call could not be completed as dialed . . ."  As I mentioned previously, this happens all the time, and I don't usually bother getting my phone out of my pocket to address it (because, as I mentioned previously, I would probably hit some other button on the way out of my pocket and turn the camera on or something).  I was confused, however, at why this message was repeating so much today--I heard it all the way home.

When I got home and checked my calls list, I realized that the message had not, in fact, been repeating; it had sounded in response to a new invalid outgoing call each time.  In total, my phone placed

NINETY

outgoing calls to various combinations of "9" and "#" on my walk home between 2:43 and 2:47 p.m.  Here they are; are you ready?

9#
9
9#
9
9#
9
9#
9
9
9#
9#
9#
9
9#
9#
9
9
9#99
9
9#
9#
9
9#
9
9#
9
9
9
9#
9
9#
9#
9
9#
9
9#
9
9#
9
9
9#
9
9#
9#
9
9#
9
9#
9#
9#
9#
9
9
9
9
9#
9
9#
9#
9
9#
9
9#
9
9
9#
9
9#
9
9#
9
9#
9
9#
9
9#
9
9#
9#
9#
9
9
9
9#
9
9
9#
9#
9#

I thought I had filled up my call registry and was just cycling through over and over again until I finally got to some actual calls I had made.  My wife, while listening to me count off the messages, repeatedly asserted that I was mistaken, or lying.

In addition to sending all these calls, my blessed phone also sent the following message to my parents:

..011@,/1

leading them to respond:

Are you trying to swear at us? :)

When I get a new phone, I shall take great pleasure in smashing this one with a hammer.

Regards,
BUSNINJA

2 comments:

  1. I am currently laughing REALLY hard at your parents' response. Your phone does sound terrible though.

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  2. That's really annoying. It's not Verizon though; they're the plan but they don't make phones. At least as far as I'm aware.

    ReplyDelete