Wednesday, February 26, 2014

805TH POST: THE 805

If any of you had recently counted how many posts have been posted on this blog since its inception, I'd be worried about you.  Also, you would realize that the 800th post came and went four posts ago without any kind of mildly amusing celebration to call its own.

Let me assure you, before you get all worried, it was all on purpose.  You see, we have come to the 800's: the Utah County routes.  Since it was in Utah County that I ever started riding the bus, I still feel a special affinity for those routes, even though I don't ride them nearly as often as I used to.  So I decided that, while we're here, we might as well do a post about all the route numbers.

Without further ado, the 805:

In each of the (hopefully attractively) crude sketches I'm including in these posts, the heavy lines represent more or less what the route does at the present time, while light lines represent things the route used to do, but doesn't currently.  In the above, you can see that the 805 used to go all the way to Salt Lake, and also used to stop near the freeway in Springville--lest you get too nostalgic, however, remember that it didn't stop in Provo or Orem then; it went straight from Springville to Salt Lake, so you were rather out of luck (or had to take the 822, which was kind of the same thing in the middle of the day) if you needed somewhere in between.

This was generally recognized to be a "problem," so a little later on UTA introduced the 808, which went to the same park'n'rides as the 805 but also stopped at the Provo Towne Centre and UVU.  Then the Provo Towne Centre stop went away

(I once got on the 808 there.  I was the only one.  And the 830 driver who pulled through while I was waiting asked me why I was sitting there if the 832 had just left and I wasn't getting on his bus.  I jogged his memory--he eventually let it go, but I could tell he still thought I was weird for trying to catch the 808 there.)

and the 808 became comfortable with its identity as a UVU shuttle.  Then FrontRunner happened and the 805 and 808 got combined into a single 805 which now runs 6 times in the morning and 7 in the afternoon (as opposed to the old 805 and 808 which both only ran two trips each way--very devious) and includes the Santaquin stops which were previously on the 822.

No, I've never ridden it (when we make it that far south to visit family, we end up just getting picked up at the Provo FrontRunner station), but I've seen it pull through the station looking at least reasonably full, which is more than I can say for other buses there (more on that later, obviously).  The 805 is a fine bus and I hope it sticks around.

Stay tuned!

Tuesday, February 25, 2014


On my walk to the bus stop I see a decent amount of graffiti and, depending on the wind, an eclectic smattering of litter.  Most days I pay it no heed (as, apparently, does every other resident of the neighborhood), but recently there was a roll of toilet paper in such a position that it surely could not have been blown there by the wind; it must have been placed there deliberately by someone.

As I continued on my way, I wondered why on earth someone would have left a roll of toilet paper sitting out for the world to see.  Was someone carrying a roll of toilet paper, then sat down to rest and forgot to pick it back up?  Was it some kind of strange drug paraphernalia?  Did someone put it there as a public service . . . just in case?  Or was it some kind of edgy urban art?

As this last thought occurred to me, I thought with an impish grin, It is now . . .

Thursday, February 20, 2014


If you ride the 200 in the morning, and you get on the bus carrying a box of donuts, don't sit by me.

Just don't.

I can't handle it.

It'll make me think about donuts all morning at work, when I should be thinking of carrot sticks and hummus.  Mmm, hummus.  Okay, never mind; I'm good.

But don't push your luck.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014


Avid readers of this blog will remember that I recently celebrated the return of good sense to the city of Provo in conjunction with their efforts to curb (no pun intended) the predatory towing that has now been lamented by BYU students for several consecutive decades. I applaud Mayor Curtis and the Provo Municipal Council for their efforts in this unglamorous but very, very necessary endeavor, and I hope it is indicative of a change in the Silurian mindset that plagues so much of Provo’s politics.

Then I read the Daily Herald this morning, and I utterly lost my faith in humanity.

You see, I didn’t realize until now that I, an active, devout Mormon, was complicit in the demise of the traditional family. To wit:

“And yet the family is under attack right here in Provo . . . the Wasatch Neighborhood (aka “The Tree Streets”) has been under relentless pressure . . .”
- Because the Wasatch Neighborhood is the only neighborhood in Provo with families. Good families, anyway.
- . . . bus, and that starts with B! B, and that rhymes with T, and that stands for Trouble! Right here in Provo! ***townspeople gasping***

“. . . allowing dozens of family homes to convert into duplexes, apartments, even 6-plexes that are now filled with single students.”
- 6-plexes! You poor dear.
- Single BYU students, who are clearly in the business of corrupting your children.
- Wasn’t there this one time when some apartments got built on the east side of 9th East—for MARRIED students? Wasn’t that apartment complex exclusively created for the righteous peopling of the earth?

“Parents and children have been in decline ever since.”
- Are the children born at Wymount Terrace not fit to play with yours?

“Lately the single most important, most expensive, and most controversial issue Provo City has ever faced and will ever face . . .”
- Sorry; you don’t get to say “lately” and “has ever faced or will ever face” in the same sentence, talking about the same thing. I like to think that you know that but forgot because you composed this article in haste, rather than assume that you are completely lacking in logical reasoning capacity.
- You are entitled to your opinion that this is the most controversial issue Provo has ever faced, but you might want to reserve your judgment about the future—last days and all, you know.

“. . .directly in front of Wasatch Elementary School . . .”
- As opposed to Provost School, Timpanogos Elementary School, and Sharon Elementary School, just to name a few in the Provo-Orem area, where we send the expendable children.

“. . . and the 750 traditional families who live east of 9th East."
- Actually, the bus won’t go directly in front of all the homes east of 9th East, as it’s not proposed to go down every single street in the Tree Streets. Use your head.
- Are you counting all the families living east of 9th East? Or just the traditional ones? Make sure you haven’t accidentally included any homes with single parents, any grandparents who live with their child’s family, or, heaven forbid, any parents who have allowed their married children to live downstairs for a year while they get back on their feet.
- What about the people who live east of 9th East but south of your neighborhood? Did you count them as well? Oh, wait; I forgot for a moment that the bus already makes stops on that portion of 9th East. They must be lesser people not included in your thorough analysis.

“The Tree Street homes in Wasatch and Oak Hills have a long legacy of raising families with many children.”
- As was aptly pointed out in the online comments today, homes don’t raise children. People do.

“This neighborhood has always been a desirable destination for hundreds of BYU employees to raise their children within walking/cycling distance to work.”
- You would rather bike on 9th East than take transit? Clearly you have an underappreciation of air conditioning and an overappreciation of exhaust.

“Half of this money comes from local taxes and the other half comes from the Federal Government.”
- As opposed to roads, which are built by kindly elves at no charge, and parks, which were covered in green, green grass even before Brigham Young sent the pioneers over the Point of the Mountain.

“Generally speaking public transportation is made viable by ‘individual’ ridership … [sic] people like students, commuters, etc.”
- So commuters don't belong to families?  All fathers work from home?  Boy, did I miss that memo.

“After all, it seems illogical that UTA would be building a ‘rapid’ transportation system for moving parents and their children to/from soccer games, birthday parties, and family date nights.”
- Illogical? To you, maybe . . .
- Clearly you have never visited Temple Square on TRAX during the Christmas season. You can’t move without stepping on a child. Families, families, families, as far as the eye can see.

“It is equally inconceivable that a mom would hop onto a ‘rapid bus’ to go grocery shopping at Costco with her 4 children in tow, and return home with all her loot and children via the bus or train . . .”
- Inconceivable? To you, maybe . . .
- If you are consistently shopping at Costco with your 4 children in tow, you should probably reorganize your life. Where is the father in this traditional family that can’t supervise the children for a few hours on a Saturday so that mommy can do all her shopping?
- If you live in Provo and you’re getting on the train to get home from Costco, you went to the wrong Costco. Think, man.

“. . . or a dad to take his wife and five children out to eat at a family restaurant via ‘rapid transit.’”
- Why couldn’t you visit a restaurant on public transportation? I once went to a restaurant with my sister, father, grandmother, and grandfather in Ogden. We got there by train. No injuries were sustained, and no serious sins were committed.
- I suppose you think you’re terribly clever putting “rapid” and “rapid transit” in quotes like that. I hereby sentence you to drive to and from every session of the next LDS General Conference—your penance will be to count the number of TRAX trains that go past you while you sit in traffic for over an hour after each session. Then, and only then, can you put “rapid transit” in quotes.

“. . . it is not uncommon to observe empty bus after empty bus along the streets of Provo . . .”
- What? You sat on the street corner and watched? Don’t be ridiculous. (I have.)
- This sentence betrays your true reason for writing this letter: you think the bus is beneath you. The bus is unclean. Its denizens are the scum of the earth. They are freeloaders who can’t man up and drive themselves around. You are better than them. It has never, ever occurred to you that you may someday be rendered unable to drive; that there are many productive members of society whose mobility is impaired because they can’t drive a motor vehicle at ridiculous speeds through ever-more-complicated intersections and interchanges. I hope that when that day comes for you there is good enough alternative transportation that you can meet your own needs. That, or I hope you enjoy waiting around for people to give you rides.

“. . . if BRT is forced up 9th East . . .”
- Or voted . . .

“On the contrary, authorities from BYU, UTA, and the mayor’s office have often ignored the pleadings of these deeply-rooted families . . .”
- BYU has hardly been a supporter of public transportation the last few years. They are probably more your ally than you realize; you might know that if you had researched the issue better.
- BYU is also owned by the Church you invoked at the beginning of this diatribe—a church that subsidizes bus passes for many of its employees, contributed significant funds to have a TRAX station next to Temple Square, and recently financed the building of a major retail center literally on top of another TRAX station.
- Does that mean that the Church is contributing to the demise of the traditional family? Fortunately, it does not. Unfortunately for you, that means you are incorrect.

“ . . . the need to ‘swiftly’ take advantage of a federal hand-out.”
- Who on earth are you quoting? Yourself? Who has ever said this was being done “swiftly?” Nobody that I’ve heard.
- Again, if you knew anything about this project, you would know that it has been in development for more than 10 years. MAG is about to cut half the funding for the project because they have been waiting for so long. You can say many things about this project, but “swift” is definitely not one of them.

“So the question again is this: ‘Are families the fundamental unit of society in Provo City?”
- That was not, in fact, the question you asked at the beginning.

“’What impression do we give the thousands of students, athletes and missionaries, who ‘come here to learn and go forth to serve?’”
- According to your earlier remarks, the impression we are giving the students is “We don’t want you in our neighborhood.” Congratulations.
- What impression are we giving the missionaries? They don’t really see much of Provo outside of the MTC. I really doubt that their MTC experience will be much damaged by buses running down 9th East; the 832 or 833 has run past the MTC all day since 2000 and I’ve never heard a single RM complain about it.
- Students and athletes are not the same people—interesting. Some of them did not come to BYU exclusively for your entertainment, you know. Some of them are also pursuing an education.

“Do they observe Provo City upholding the family, or not?”
- I was a BYU student for 8 years. I didn’t care then, and I don’t care now.

“We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society. We commend to all a careful, thoughtful, and prayerful reading of this proclamation. The strength of any nation [I’m leaving out your addition] is rooted within the walls of its homes. We urge our people everywhere to strengthen their families in conformity with these time-honored values.”
- This is a lovely statement. It is one I support wholeheartedly. It has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with Bus Rapid Transit. Your inclusion of it in this discussion is, I feel, a disservice to the Church we both belong to.

“Society owes their greatest support to parents who raise children, above all else.”
- Above all else. Except mode of transportation, of course.

This editorial was clearly quickly cobbled together by someone with little foreknowledge of the situation. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that I had spent more time on this rebuttal than was spent on the original missive. But I did it, so that everyone can understand that just because someone reactionary sits down and writes an op-ed piece, it doesn’t make it true.

I don’t know how the vote will turn out tonight. Whether or not 9th East is approved, I will probably sleep in peace. But if 9th East gets rejected, I would ask only that the author of this piece and others of like mind take the time to go outside after every BYU game, survey the cars stuck in traffic in both directions as far as the eye can see, take a deep breath of the exhaust that fills the air, and say with pride:

"I did this. For my children."

And if you can say that honestly, peace be with you.

Thursday, February 13, 2014


Remarkable that the two should coincide so well this morning.

  • This is a picture of a Paratransit bus with exhaust coming out its tail pipe . . . as opposed to every other vehicle on the road that morning, and yours.
  • Did you take this picture while driving down the freeway?  Hang on . . .

Dear stupid Provo driver:

Isn't it hypocritical of you to call UTA hypocritical as you're endangering those around you by taking pictures while driving down the freeway? Let me guess--did you also tweet this while driving down the freeway?

Get.  Off.  The.  Road.

And stay off.


Tuesday, February 11, 2014


A couple of days ago I was checking out UTA's website

Whatever floats your boat, man.

and I saw a link to a public hearing for service changes in Davis County.  Since there's actually not that much bus service in Davis County, I was intrigued

Intrigued.  Riiiight.

and clicked on the link.  I found an announcement that UTA is proposing two new bus routes from the Clearfield FrontRunner Station to Hill Air Force Base.  And I was excited

Now he's going to tell me why he's excited.

because, even though I've never been to Hill Air Force Base in my life, and probably never will,

You've never been there in your life, and you're excited.

it's the first time I can ever remember that UTA proposed a new bus route without also proposing that two other bus routes go away, or get cut on Saturdays, or get cut after 7:00 p.m., or something like.  You see?  Excited!

Thursday, February 6, 2014


Dear stupid Provo driver:

I am used to the judgmental stares in Provo.  I am used to teenagers shouting at me out of car windows and getting honked at while I am walking in a crosswalk.  I understand that I am a transportation sinner, and I'm at peace with that.

But I didn't expect it in Millcreek, especially not in a section of Millcreek in which there are always people walking around--tell me, did you fix the other three people on the sidewalk with the same accusing stare as you did me?  You would have spent an awful lot of time with your eyes off the road to to do that.  People sometimes walk on the sidewalk around here.  Some of them even walk to bus stops.  Some of them (gasp!) get on the bus when it comes by!

(This may come as a shock, but the bus does not solely exist to block you in traffic.)

Or are you just judging me because I'm taller than you?  That makes no sense.

Keep your eyes on the road and your judging to yourself, for whichever arbitrary reason you're judging me.


Tuesday, February 4, 2014


Near 4500 South 500 East

. . . the sky was blue today.  You could even see all the mountains!

Just thought you ought to know.