Wednesday, January 28, 2015

FEARLESS PREDICTIONS FOR 2015

We're almost a month into 2015, and nothing peculiarly earth-shattering has happened in the world of transit yet. But there's still time . . .

1. The price of gas will continue to fall, and SUV sales to skyrocket. UTA will start offering massive quantities of evening and night bus service, and even offer tea and crumpets on select routes, but to no avail--the buses will be empty.

2.  The sudden spike in car travel and fuel consumption will cause the usual haze along the Wasatch Front to thicken, and darken, until it becomes a thick black smoke with little chunks in it that never completely dissipates, even when it rains. Oh, and the chunks will technically be edible, though few people will eat them on purpose.

3.  The darkening haze paired with the sudden glut of single-occupancy SUV's on the road will bring traffic to a complete and utter standstill, leading residents to (out of sheer desperation) consider other transportation alternatives. TRAX has an unexpected ridership boom (people still won't have heard about all that bus service).

4.  Around this time the Salt Lake Tribune will sign up for employee passes with UTA. A decent number of them will ride TRAX to work, but they will go well out of their way to walk through the parking garage on their way from the platform to the office so that nobody will know.

5.  Yours truly will grow a beard.

Wait . . . I think that one already happened. Never mind.
 6.  In a tragic misunderstanding, the UTA Board will erroneously conflate the loss of revenue from the beginning of the year with the booming TRAX ridership from later on and recommend a fare increase.




At which point, you can start calling me Mormon, since I'll be chronicling the destruction of my people.

Here's to an eventful 2015!

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